It’s not uncommon to feel like you’re holding yourself back from achieving the things you desire. Many people have a hard time believing in themselves and their capabilities, which can cause them to self-sabotage. Self-sabotaging is when you act in ways that purposely hurt your chances of success and happiness. Self-sabotage is different than self-doubt or feeling unconfident at times. When you self-sabotage, you consciously choose actions that are counter to what your goals require. It’s kind of like thinking “This probably isn’t the best idea, but I’m going to do it anyway.” Self-sabotage can be sneaky and hard to recognize when it rears its ugly head, but once you identify it and see how often it sabotages your success, things get much easier. Recognizing and combating self-sabotage is essential for anyone who wants to move forward with their lives and not let fear hold them back from attaining their goals. Here are some common signs that you might be sabotaging yourself:
One of the most common ways people self-sabotage is through procrastination. Procrastination is when you put off a task or project you should be doing right now, but instead spend time on other, less important things. Many people believe they procrastinate out of laziness or a lack of motivation, but these are usually not the case. There are actually some people who procrastinate because they have anxiety, fear of failure, or low self-worth, which causes them to put off the tasks they know they should do. What does this look like? Say you want to start a new hobby but you keep putting it off. You tell yourself you’re just too busy and you don’t have time for it. Or, maybe you start a project at work but never seem to finish it. Maybe you even put off making plans with friends and family, because you feel you don’t have the time for it with everything else you have going on in your life. Most of the time, procrastinators are not lazy. They just have an irrational fear of failure. They might think that if they don’t start that project right away, it won’t get done at all. They may also feel anxious about doing things they’re not good at.
This is a very common one, especially for people who have been told their whole lives that they’re not good enough, that they don’t deserve success, or that they’ll never be successful. If you were told this as a child, it can be very difficult to overcome these negative thoughts and feelings as an adult. The best way to combat this and start believing in yourself again is to do the opposite of what you were told as a child. Rather than constantly thinking about your flaws and shortcomings, focus on your strengths and positive attributes. Instead of focusing on your weaknesses, pay attention to the things you’re good at. Instead of constantly criticizing yourself and your mistakes, focus on the positive. Start to believe in yourself and your potential, and the negative thoughts and feelings will slowly disappear.
Sometimes people self-sabotage by actively making things more difficult for themselves and their success. This can include having bad communication or conflict resolution skills that cause you to get into heated arguments with your loved ones. It can also include things like constantly trying to be “too busy” to hang out with your friends, having poor time management skills that cause you to constantly be behind on your tasks and projects, or constantly putting yourself in toxic situations that cause you stress and anxiety. In order to combat this, you must actively work on improving yourself and your skills. You must start to consciously work on being a better friend, coworker, and family member. Start scheduling time to work on your tasks and projects, and stop leaving everything until the last minute. You must also be willing to let go of toxic relationships, people, habits, and situations that are bringing you down.
Self-sabotage often manifests itself in the form of self-judgment and self-criticism. People who constantly judge themselves and their every move often subconsciously believe they don’t deserve success. They may think they don’t deserve the promotion they’re up for because they don’t believe they’re good enough. People who constantly feel like a fraud don’t believe they deserve what they’ve worked for and don’t feel like they belong. They constantly question every decision they make and feel like they’re faking it and that someone will find them out at any moment. People who constantly feel like a fraud often judge themselves harshly and don’t give themselves credit for the positive things they’ve done. They don’t see their successes as things they’ve earned and instead see them as things they’ve been lucky to receive.
Self-sabotage often manifests itself in the form of self-judgment and self-criticism. People who constantly judge themselves and their every move often subconsciously believe they don’t deserve success. They may think they don’t deserve the promotion they’re up for because they don’t believe they’re good enough. People who constantly feel like a fraud don’t believe they deserve what they’ve worked for and don’t feel like they belong. They constantly question every decision they make and feel like they’re faking it and that someone will find them out at any moment. People who constantly feel like a fraud often judge themselves harshly and don’t give themselves credit for the positive things they’ve done. They don’t see their successes as things they’ve earned and instead see them as things they’ve been lucky to receive.
Self-sabotage is often a sign that you don’t believe in yourself. If you want to stop yourself from sabotaging your success, you have to start believing in yourself and your capabilities. You have to start recognizing your negative thoughts and feelings and taking action to address them. You have to actively work on being a better friend, coworker, and family member. You have to work on improving your communication skills, time management skills, and conflict resolution skills. You have to work on improving your self-care skills. In order to succeed in life, you have to actively work against self-sabotage.